156 - Dating on Your Terms
I think it’s part of the human experience to struggle against how others perceive or judge us and keep returning to how we define ourselves. This is especially true when you live with a disability or some other obvious difference. This can also certainly be amplified by dating and putting yourself out there to meet new people.
Define Yourself Method
The Define Yourself method empowers you to shape your identity based on your own values, rather than the negative messages you've received throughout your life. Imagine how liberating it would feel to break free from the judgments and criticisms that have been imposed on you by others. This method encourages you to look inward and decide who you are, not by the standards set by society or by the negative voices you’ve internalized, but by your own beliefs and values. You get to define what matters to you, who you are at your core, and how you want to show up in the world.
This process is about reclaiming your power and recognizing that you have the ultimate authority over your self-identity. Think about all the thoughts you could choose to hold about yourself. With such a vast range of possibilities, wouldn't it make sense to select thoughts that are positive and uplifting? Instead of focusing on your perceived flaws or shortcomings, you could choose to focus on your strengths, talents, and the qualities that make you unique. By consciously deciding to think positively about yourself, you create a more empowering narrative that aligns with your true self. This shift in mindset isn't about ignoring reality or pretending challenges don't exist; it's about choosing to highlight the aspects of yourself that reflect your true potential and worth.
Deciding on Your Values
When you choose to define yourself, you're making a conscious decision about how you want to be seen by the world and, more importantly, how you want to see yourself. This is not a superficial act of self-promotion but a deep, introspective process of aligning your inner truth with your outward expression. By deciding what you value and what you stand for, you set the foundation for how others perceive you. When you define yourself through your values, you become a beacon for like-minded individuals who resonate with those same principles. This attracts people to you who appreciate you for who you genuinely are, rather than a façade created by external pressures or negative self-beliefs.
Consider how you would choose to define yourself if all the limitations and negative beliefs were stripped away. What words would you use to describe your best self? Would you be compassionate, courageous, creative, or resilient? Take a moment to think about the qualities that truly define you when you are at your best. When you define yourself based on your values and positive traits, you naturally project a more confident and authentic version of yourself. This is not about denying your flaws or past mistakes but rather acknowledging them while focusing on the strengths and values that represent your true essence.
Foundation of Self Worth
Think about defining yourself as a way to attract others to you who align with your values and who will support you in becoming the person you want to be. When you are clear about who you are and what you stand for, you radiate an energy that draws others with similar values and attitudes. This is the foundation for building meaningful, supportive relationships. Instead of seeking validation from others, you attract people who recognize and appreciate your authentic self, which, in turn, strengthens your sense of self-worth and confidence.
The way you choose to define yourself also influences how you give and receive love. When you define yourself positively, you create a self-image that is worthy of love and respect. You set the tone for how you expect to be treated by others and, equally important, how you treat yourself. Loving yourself means accepting all parts of who you are—your strengths and your imperfections—and committing to your own growth and well-being. When you love yourself authentically, you are better able to love others from a place of wholeness rather than neediness or insecurity.
Taking Ownership
Ultimately, the Define Yourself method is about taking ownership of your identity and living in alignment with your values. It's about understanding that you are not defined by the negative messages you've received but by the choices you make about how you see yourself. It’s about choosing to see yourself as worthy, capable, and full of potential. When you define yourself positively, you are more likely to make choices that reflect your true desires and aspirations, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life. Remember, you have the power to decide who you are and how you want to live your life, and that starts with choosing to define yourself on your own terms.
Check out our Dating Memberships:
Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.
Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.
Music by Successful Motivation
Artwork photo by Elevate
