155 - Three Keys in Getting What You Want in Dating
I’ve been sharing various techniques and strategies we not only teach but help you to really embody within our Dating Made Easier community. Ultimately, dating in general is about getting that relationship you want. However, much of the time in your dating journey, you don’t get what you want, do you? So how is it that we can teach a “Getting What I Want” method? As with most of the support and resources offered by my company, it’s all about mindset.
The "Getting What I Want" approach is about perseverance in dating by continually honing essential skills that lead to fulfilling relationships. The elements of this approach include building confidence, recognizing your worth, and navigating the dating scene. I’m going to explain each of these elements and offer a couple strategies to each.
Growing Your Confidence
One of the cornerstones of this approach is growing your confidence, which is vital for success in dating. Confidence isn’t about being perfect or pretending to be someone you’re not, but about embracing who you are and showing up authentically. It’s about believing that you are worthy of love and connection, regardless of setbacks or disappointments along the way.
To build confidence in dating, one effective strategy is to practice self-affirmation regularly. Start your day by reminding yourself of your strengths, qualities, and what makes you a great partner. This could be writing down affirmations like "I am worthy of love and respect" or "I bring value to a relationship with my kindness and humor." The more you reinforce these positive beliefs, the more natural it will feel to approach dating from a place of self-worth. Another strategy is what is called exposure therapy: putting yourself in low-pressure social situations that help you practice engaging with others without the anxiety of romantic stakes. This can be attending social events, hobby groups, or even just striking up conversations in public settings.
Recognizing Your Worth
The second skill is recognizing what you have to offer in a relationship. This requires self-awareness and an understanding of your unique qualities, talents, and emotional strengths. This naturally is uber important if you live with a disability, have another significant difference, or have been marginalized in any way in dating. A strong sense of self-worth will make it easier to stay motivated, even when dating gets tough. Knowing your value is crucial because it helps you focus on your potential and not the negative messages you may have received throughout your life. Focusing on this shapes your interactions with potential partners. If you’re clear on what you bring to the table, you won’t settle for less than you deserve. This mindset also helps you attract people who will feel the same about you.
One strategy to cultivate this recognition is through creating a “relationship résumé.” List out your strengths, emotional qualities, life experiences, and any talents that make you a desirable partner. I often recommend people work this into their dating profile that they may put on whatever dating app they have. I also recommend even if you’re not doing online dating, you need a dating profile or resume. This isn’t about boosting your ego but about becoming clear on what you contribute to a relationship.
Another strategy is to seek feedback from close friends or loved ones. They may point out strengths or qualities you take for granted. By seeing yourself through the eyes of those who appreciate you, you can better recognize the value you offer in a dating scenario. You can easily do this now with all the free online surveys. Create a simple one question survey asking family and friends to put down three positive qualities you have and how you exhibit them. Then just email them the link. It’s a good exercise in self esteem and boosting your confidence.
Navigating the Dating Scene
Navigating the dating scene itself can be challenging, but with the right mindset and strategies, it becomes easier to find the right connections. The key is to stay open to new experiences while maintaining boundaries that align with your values and needs. It’s about taking action, putting yourself out there, and not giving up even when faced with rejection or disappointment.
One strategy to navigate the dating world effectively is to have a clear dating intention. This involves deciding what you’re looking for in a relationship and how you want to experience dating. Being intentional helps you filter out distractions and focus on potential matches who align with your values. Another strategy is setting small, achievable goals for your dating life, such as signing up for one dating app or attending one event per week. This reduces the overwhelm of dating and allows you to build momentum without feeling pressured to achieve immediate results. Ultimately, what works the best is figuring out how to navigate the dating scene in a way that you feel most comfortable with and brings out your most authentic self.
The "Getting What I Want" approach encourages you to not give up by focusing on these core areas: confidence, recognizing your value, and navigating the dating landscape. Each of these skills supports you in growing as a person, which, in turn, helps you grow as a dater. As you continue to practice these strategies, you build resilience and optimism, knowing that the right relationship is out there for you. The key is to stay persistent and continue refining your skills along the way.
Incorporating these strategies into your dating life not only increases your chances of success but also makes the process more enjoyable. Dating becomes less about chasing results and more about personal growth and connection, which ultimately leads to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
If you would like help with the Getting What I Want approach, we’re doing a deep dive workshop on this October 2 in the Dating Made Easier community. Join here to get in on the training, plus the coaching, networking, and resources we provide all month long to help you get the results you want on your dating journey.
Resources
Check out our Dating Memberships:
Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.
Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.
Music by Successful Motivation
Artwork photo by Elevate
