135 - Play It Again: Feeling Attractive
I unfortunately lost my voice so today you're enjoying a replay of a popular episode on "Feeling Attractive." It's a good cue for the remainder of the episodes in May about preserving your mental health when dating.
"I don't feel attractive." If you haven’t said that at some point in your life, I think you’re in a very small and fortunate group. Most of us have grappled with this feeling, which is really a belief, at some point in our lives, especially when it comes to dating. While we are certainly working on changing this on both an individual and collective level in the Disabled community, we can still make some significant inroads.
For years now, I have been running a dating with disabilities survey that people get a link to when they opt in to many of my resource guides. A top concern that people with disabilities express relates to believing they’re not attractive. I grew up with that concern and didn't shed it until I was well into my thirties, despite dating and having relationships. It's a belief that can really weigh you down. It did me. The GREAT NEWS is feeling this way can be UNDONE and once it is, there's no going back. I think the majority of people, both with and without disabilities, struggle at some point in their life with this feeling.
We're all bombarded with messages from traditional and social media about what is and isn't considered "attractive." Then throw in a disability and where is any framework around what's attractive?
Time to make our own! Feeling attractive is a state of mind. It is not something that is determined by your physical appearance. What you believe about yourself is more important than what others believe about you. If you believe that you are attractive, then you will be more likely to feel attractive. You can change your beliefs about yourself through positive self-talk and affirmations. It is important to focus on your positive qualities and to celebrate your unique beauty. Remember that everyone is different and that there is no one definition of beauty. Be confident in who you are and be proud of your appearance. Feeling attractive is a state of mind because it is based on your perception of yourself, not on how others perceive you.
Your perception of yourself is influenced by your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself. You can change your perception of yourself by changing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself. You can change your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself by practicing positive self-talk, affirmations, and visualization. Positive self-talk is when you say positive things to yourself, such as "I am beautiful" or "I am worthy of love." Affirmations are positive statements that you repeat to yourself, such as "I am confident" or "I am capable." Visualization is when you imagine yourself being successful or attractive. It is important to focus on your positive qualities and to celebrate your unique beauty. Everyone is different and there is no one definition of beauty. Be confident in who you are and be proud of your appearance.
It begins with a relatively simple process called "Flipping the Script," turning around your thoughts when you feel yourself sinking into negative thinking. What if...instead of placing your energy on worrying if you're attractive, you placed that focus on what IS attractive about you?
This will take practice, but here's the thing I have learned about living fully and happily with a disability: it's a disciplined practice until it begins to come naturally to you. If you need help with this, here's an exercise to get you beginning to flip that script. I know there's at least 25 attractive characteristics about you. Don't worry, I won't ask you to list all 25, just five of them. Then spend the next 30 days (yes, 30 consecutive days) reading the list at least once a day. This daily practice is going to be very integral to flipping that thinking to all that is attractive about you. This is then going to lead to increased confidence - and not just for dating, but overall. This change in my mindset was a game changer for me and I just began to feel better about myself in general.
Check out our Dating Memberships:
Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.
Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.
Music by Successful Motivation
Artwork photo by Elevate
