103 - What I Would Have Said

Recently, a podcast listener asked me this: May I ask, what were you doing at 23 socially and what do you wish you knew then?

My Social Life at 23

Ummm…I had to think about it for a few days. I told him it was a great question and my longer answer would make for a great podcast. Here’s what I told him:

What I Was Doing in My Early 20s

At age 23, I was living with a roommate of mine from college. We did a lot together socially. I have to admit I went to a lot of bars to try to meet people. These were pre-internet/online dating days. I wish I knew back then that everything would work out in its own time. That might have saved me from getting into a not-so-great relationship at 25. Hope that helps.

Six Major Lessons I Wish I'd Known

That was the abridged version. After thinking more about it, here’s six major things that if I could go back to 1991 and have a cup of coffee with that young woman trying to find her way, I would say:

Be patient. Everything does truly work the way it’s meant to. I recently heard this fantastic Steve Jobs quote: "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards." So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.

Be brave. The world may not get disability right now and in your lifetime, it may not ever be fully understanding and accepting, but do not let the judgments and reactions of others shape how you will be in the world.

Do the work on yourself. Own your issues, take responsibility for them and problem-solve. That’s the only way we truly get what we want in life. Do not give up on a dream unless it’s no longer driving your heart.

Know what you want and say it loudly. Get clear on what makes you happy, not on what you think should make you happy or what others think should make you happy. Spend time in quiet, thinking and reflecting about what’s in your heart and beautiful brain.

Don’t tolerate unhappiness in relationships too long. Now I know relationships are a lot of work and you definitely have to commit to difficulties if you care about someone and want to be with them. But when everything feels like a struggle and you’re bickering and triggering one another a good percentage of the time, then do everyone a favor and split.

Enjoy the process. You think you’ll always be young and you’ll be in this transition forever. You won’t be. Life will change. You’ll get more responsibilities, go through significant challenges, and each stage of life comes with a chance to deepen your opportunities to love and be happy. Try to hold on to that wisdom with whatever the ride of life has you go through.

Resources

Affirmations for Confidently Living with a Disability 

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate