94 - Struggles Are Part of Pride

We’re nearing the end of Disability Pride Month and I have to share an experience I had in trying to celebrate it. Unfortunately, it points to misperceptions about how people define Disability Pride. The definition I use is as follows: Disability Pride Month is celebrated every July and is an opportunity to honor the history, achievements, experiences, and struggles of the disability community. It is celebrated in July to mark the anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act, landmark legislation that broke down barriers to inclusion in society. From the national Arc website.

From the Ameridisability.com site, they state: Disability pride is defined as accepting and honoring each person’s uniqueness, and seeing it as a natural and beautiful part of human diversity. Disability pride is an integral part of an inclusive crusade and, furthermore, a direct challenge to systemic ableism and stigmatizing definitions of disability.

In preparing some content for a weekly reflection on Disability Pride in the month of July, I included a story of parents neglecting their son to the point of death because I felt it was important to represent the struggle that many people with disabilities continue to endure. I believe if you really want to know Disability Pride, you need to also know the struggles we have endured and continue to endure. And of course this is an important element of dating, nurturing relationships, and fostering true intimacy. I was told no because it would be too distressing for people, mostly nondisabled people, to hear.

I feel strongly that an important element of any Disability Pride or awareness needs to include talking about the ongoing struggle that most people with disabilities face on a daily basis, even if that “distresses” able bodied people. I am disturbed by the message of “your lives and experiences are too hard to listen to.” I expect more empathy and understanding from people who say they want to hear about Disability Pride.

I believe that to just include “successes” of disabled people sends an ableist message that one can only be celebrated if they “overcome” (a word I detest) their disability. And if you’re starved to death and have bed sores so deep, they go to the bone, that can’t be talked about as a reality that happens daily to people. With this approach, it is not true Disability Pride or awareness.

I realize I’m using strong language but I feel strongly about this issue and with all due respect, I believe no nondisabled people should be making decisions about the content of anything about disability. Would we assume that for the Black or LGBTQ experience?

I hope that your view of Disability Pride includes the ongoing struggles of the disabled. The struggles are an important piece of our pride. Look at what we have and continue to endure. When it comes to dating and relationships, the collective and individual struggles we face with ableism instill in us perseverance, compassion, and determination to create a better future. Never underestimate how important these qualities are in developing meaningful and loving relationships.

Thank you so much for listening to this. I know I got on my soapbox a bit, but I hope it can help you look at how your struggle intermingles with your sense of pride.

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Music by Successful Motivation 
Artwork photo by Elevate