Episode 17 - Bringing Disability Into Relationships

I once dated a guy who would say things to me like “I wonder how many people see us together and think you’re my client.” Yeah, very uncool. He also said, “My friend told me she thinks it’s so great that I’m dating someone with dating someone with a disability,” in a tone that was very heroic. Even further uncool to say. Needless to say, that relationship gratefully ended. It was a time in my life in which I was young and still didn’t know how to bring my disability into a relationship in an empowered way. Today we’re talking about how to do just that - bringing your disability into relationships so that it has a healthy presence in a relationship and that both of you can talk openly and honestly about it.

Take Your Disability Along for the Ride

Incorporate your disability into relationships. Communicate about the challenges a disability brings to a relationship, problem solve about it, and most important, have a sense of humor about it. Give your relationship room to be real about your disability and how both of you are affected by it. I would encourage you to discuss and even role play how they would talk about their disability in relationships. 

If both people in a relationship have disabilities, don’t assume the other person will always “get” your disability because we all approach and live with a disability in our own way. Some examples of how to communicate about your disability are “How are you feeling about me having a disability?” “What is it like for you to help me with _________?” “What do your friends say about my disability?”

Vital to Remember

• Your disability does not take away from your beauty. It only contributes to it.
• When YOU believe in your beauty and how your disability adds to it, others will see that too.
• Living with a disability is hard work. That difficulty “builds character” (corny but true) adds spice to who you are, makes you more interesting, and let’s face it, makes life far from boring.

Communicate with Confidence About Your Disability

• Have the courage to talk openly about your disability with whoever you're dating.
• We waste much time playing guessing games and we don’t need to.
• Take a deep breath and let someone know how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. 
• Be okay with a little discomfort…you never know what will come of it.
• People will not always immediately be at ease with you. If they’re showing a genuine interest, but unsure how to act or respond to you, don’t be too quick to cut them off.
• Give them the lead on how you want to be treated.

 Where Do We Go From Here? 

• Think about how you may bring your disability into relationships in a way that feels right for you. Practice this in your current relationships with friends and family.
• Just because you haven’t had success in this

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate