38 - Choosing Dreams Over Fear

Let’s begin with a question, keeping in mind this is a podcast on dating and relationships.

Are you choosing your dreams, rather than buying into sexual ableism?  This can be a particularly good question to ask yourself this if you’re not having success in dating with a disability.

You may not like that question and even be a little offended by it.

But sometimes those harder questions and more specifically, the answers to them, point us in the direction we want to be heading in.

I spent most of my single years believing that living with cerebral palsy presented a huge obstacle to falling in love and finding a life partner. You might be feeling the same way. You may think your disability makes you less attractive, less valuable as a partner.

What Sexual Ableism Is

Sexual ableism is a system of beliefs that discriminate against people with disabilities in dating, intimacy, and relationships, suggesting the very presence of disability implies inferiority (adapted from AccessLiving.org). Episode 2 is all about sexual ableism.

Sexual ableism is discrimination, belittling, judgments, archaic thinking. It’s just as real as racism, xenoism, and sexism is. It has to be acknowledged. 

But we don’t need to place this prejudicial thinking before our dreams. Why give more power to what can hurt you over what you want most?

Make the decision that was what you want most, to share my life with someone, is WAY MORE IMPORTANT than backwards beliefs.

Dare to Dream

I’m reading a fabulous book, Shining the Light: Creating Pathways to Equity, Safety, Healing, and Justice With People with Disabilities by Shirley Paceley, a longtime disability advocate. I’ll be having Shirley on the show in the near future  to discuss her book. In Shining the Light, Shirley talks about how vital it is for all people to have dreams as part of a meaningful life. She writes, “Dreams give our life meaning and for some people, it is a dream that allows them to get up every morning and say, ‘I can do this one more day.”

Where Do We Go From Here? 

Love is love. 

Although this is typically associated with the LGBTQ+ community, those of us living with disabilities can certainly borrow it to help rise above sexual ableism. At the end of the day, we all want to be loved, desired, and valued. This begins with changing what you put your focus on, where you invest your mental energy.

Choose your dreams over the negativity of sexual ableism. Believe in yourself. Believe in wort

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate