49 - Do You Really Need A Matchmaker?

I often get messages on social media like this: I’m looking for a disabled woman who wants marriage. Do you know of any honest matchmakers?

While my heart goes out to people who have the vulnerability to ask this, I also cringe when I get asked this because I suspect that when someone asks about matchmaking, they are doubting their own ability to attract someone to themselves.

Now, before you say, wait a minute, matchmaking works for a lot of people, let me say I know and I agree. My own parents were set up on a blind date and happily married for 65 years. I am not saying matchmaking doesn’t work. 

What I am saying is it should not be your “go to” strategy for dating success. I believe a crucial part of making dating work for you is developing this sense of ownership that you are in control of your dating destiny. I think when people don’t feel this, they can feel on some level like a victim because they're depending on others to find them “someone.”

I know that’s a strong statement to make and I truly don’t say it to be critical. I just want you to consider if you’re out there dating or wanting to date, are you depending on someone else to find your person because you don’t believe you have that ability within yourself? Or perhaps you have been disappointed so many times, you have given up on being able to find someone on your own?

I truly get the frustration and wanting help. I encourage you to ask for help. In fact, I always tell people if you’re dating, let everyone in your life know so they can keep an eye out for a potential someone for you. But this is vastly different from solely relying on others to “hook you up” so to speak.

If you want to use matchmaking to meet someone, use it as one of your tools in your dating tool bag. We’ll be talking about that next week. Don’t put the power in one person or site or organization to find you what you want most in this world.

Where Do We Go From Here? 

Cultivate your Power to Attract. The message I shared at the beginning of this episode was from someone who said “normal women don’t like disabled men for partners.” Therefore, he wanted a matchmaker who would match him with a disabled woman. Again, nothing wrong with preferring to date disabled people, except when you’re doing it because you believe nondisabled people won’t give you the time of day.

Cultivating your Power to Attract is about owning that belief in yourself that you are attractive (whether physically, emotionally, intellectually, or all of the above), even in face of rejection and disappointment, because it’s something that belongs within you. It doesn’t come from outside or from others. It’s about recognizing and nurturing the qualities within you that draw others to you. 

I would love to see you become your own best matchmaker. I

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate