71 - A Tinder Success Story
For Valentine's Day, I wanted to share a story of a couple living out dating, relationships, and disability. Victoria is a 32 year old woman who was born prematurely with an official diagnosis of spastic diplegia cerebral palsy within her first year. She is a full-time wheelchair user - college educated with a degree in Spanish.
Sean is a science writer, maker, cat dad, and halfway decent baker. Originally from Connecticut, he has lived in Knoxville, TN since 2014. He enjoys gaming, comedy, and sci-fi and fantasy, or “nerd stuff,” as Victoria calls it.
In this interview they share how they met on Tinder, their first date, and how they have brought Victoria's disability into their relationship. They also discuss:
What do you think are the particular challenges for people with disabilities in dating and relationships?
Victoria: ABLEISM! Internal, sure. But especially external/societal.
I’ve lost count of the number of times the question “can you have sex?”is the first thing a Tinder match would ask. Yes, especially for those of us with physical disabilities, our differences and challenges and limitations might be immediately apparent, but trust me, there’s so much more beneath the surface!
Sean: On the partner side, I had to learn to think about every aspect of an activity or outing through the lens of disability and accessibility. You have to put yourself in your partner’s place and consider more factors that just don’t affect non-disabled people in the same way, like adjusting travel times, accounting for crowds, and researching a place’s accessibility ahead of time.
How do you think society can change to be more open to seeing people with disabilities as dating and relationships partners?
Victoria: I’ll echo Sean’s sentiment. Interabled couple representation in the media isn’t the missing piece of the puzzle, so to speak, but it means a hell of a lot.
Sean: Representation of interabled couples in the media would definitely be a step. Normalizing disabled romance and affection in public so people’s default thought when seeing an interabled couple is not “that’s their caregiver”
What do you think is the most helpful advice you can give for someone with a disability in search of dating success and healthy relationships?
Victoria: Learn about yourself. Learn about your wants and your needs and your values. Learn about your attachment style. Therapy is a great place to do this work, if you are fortunate enough to have access to it.
The more you learn about yourself, the easier it will be to determine what you’re looking for in a partner. Show your partner what you’ve learned, be curious about what they’re learning. See if they're willing and able to learn and grow alongside you.
Check out our Dating Memberships:
Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.
Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.
Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate
