“What’s Wrong with You?” The Perfect Answer

Don’t you just hate this question?

I can certainly understand a five-year old asking it of someone with a disability. I always use it as a teachable moment with kids and begin by saying, “I walk and talk differently because I have cerebral palsy.” Depending on their age, they may be satisfied with that or if they have a heightened sense of curiosity, it may lead to a discussion about what cerebral palsy is. Either way, it’s all good.

It’s when adults ask me this, is when I have difficulty. We won’t even discuss here about the need to go back to Sensitivity and Manners 101. Let’s talk about the myth people are perpetuating when they ask this question.

“What’s wrong with you” implies that there’s an inherent flaw that needs to be corrected in someone. This is not the case with people with disabilities. A disabling condition is just a facet of who we are, among all our other attributes. When people use the word wrong and we all know they mean our disability, they are implying it is bad, faulty, mistaken, out of line, rotten, etc. (just check out Thesaurus.com for all the lovely synonyms) to have a disability.

I think not.

Now, I don’t want to be wrong by saying having a disability is all fun and roses. My gosh, it’s hard work and can be so frustrating at nearly every turn, but there is NOTHING faulty or bad about it. That’s merely in how we perceive it.

Years ago I was buying new living room furniture. I stopped in at a store and met this lovely saleswoman, who gave me a handful of fabric samples to take home to hold up to my freshly painted walls. I probably spent 45 minutes with her looking at furniture and fabric. The next week I dutifully returned the samples. She thanked me and said, “Now, tell me, what’s wrong with you?”

I quickly covered up the shocked look on my face. The shock came not from her asking that of me. I know people are always thinking that. The shock was more insensitivity of how she phrased her question. This was just a social skill my mother taught me from early on.

So I looked her in the eye, smiled, and said, “Nothing.” I also let the silence of her speechlessness hang there for a bit. Really wished those were the days when our cell phones had cameras.

After I let her sit in a little discomfort, I explained how I have cerebral palsy. Did she get the lesson of nothing being wrong with me? Probably not, but I got the perfect answer to an awful question.

What ways have you responded to similar questions? Please share in the comments below.

And if you’re reading this and thinking, “Oh no, I have asked that before,” no worries. Life is all about learning. Try one of these questions:

1. I see you________________ (i.e. use a wheelchair), can you tell me why?
2. May I ask about your disability?
3. I am curious about ________________ (whatever your observation is), can you tell me a bit about it.

Just for the record, I always appreciate people wanting to learn more because that’s how we expand our thoughts and beliefs. Just think out how you phrase your question.