There is No But in Cerebral Palsy or Any Disability

We need to kick the but when describing people with disabilities to create more empowering language about disability. The but implies there is something wrong or bad with having a disability.

“Kathy has cerebral palsy, but successfully runs a business.”

But?! Are you kidding me? Why is the world still talking this way?

This was the beginning of a virtual presentation last week about Radiant Abilities, the company I run.

Imagine hearing, “She’s Black, but very successful,” or “He’s Jewish, but a very nice guy,” or “She’s bisexual, but very stable.”

Hopefully, these statements would smack you right in the face as not only being insensitive and inappropriate, but plain wrong.

The but is always inserted as a disqualifier. It implies that you cannot be both. It suggests the very presence of a disability (or whatever innate aspect you live with) makes it improbable that you can be what follows the but.

Fortunately there’s more understanding and respect today of various cultures and you hear less of these statements that feed ignorance.

But Why Not With Disability?

Yet, the but is sadly still very much used to describe people with disabilities, implying there is something wrong or bad with having a disability.

I frequently hear people with disabilities use but when describing themselves. This is particularly true in the dating and relationship work I do.

People say things like “I have autism, but I’m really outgoing,” or “I use a wheelchair, but I’m very independent.” In the dating world, the use of but after a disability sounds like you’re trying to get someone to like you in spite of the disability, rather than because of it.

But really represents mindset. But discounts, judges, and diminishes disability. It suggests less than, not enough, and the need to compensate.

If we want the world to stop doing this, we have to stop doing it to ourselves.

The One Word Solution to Disability Language

It’s pretty simple, but (yes, play on words) very profound. Just substitute the word “and” for but for more empowering disability language.

“I live with autism and I’m outgoing, friendly, and like to have a good time.”

“I use a wheelchair and enjoy cooking great meals in my apartment.”

“I live with cerebral palsy and love running my business.”

That little “and” changes the whole dynamic of what is being said from trying to condition a disability to celebrating it along with our other attributes.

Try it for the next week. Every time you catch yourself saying the but word, replace it with and. Notice how you feel a little different, more empowered, and are speaking with less shame.

Once you have it down in talking about yourself, begin pointing it out when others do it. That’s how we not only change language around disability, but also minds.

There are no buts in disability. Just additions to who you already are.

Free Resources

If you need some help in feeling confident so that you kick the buts in your language, click here to download The Power of Building Confidence and Living Fully With Disability.

If you are dating with a disability and feel like you need some guidance on how to get those buts out of your profile, check out this free mini course in Strategies & Tips for Dating with Disability. There’s an entire video on helping you to compose a dating profile in a way that speaks positively about living with a disability.